i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
