9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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