anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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