we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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