I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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