the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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