captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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