i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
