As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you would pick up someone in the library
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
