apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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