You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Randomize
