And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
he had hair everywhere except his balls
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
