i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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