he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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