Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize