I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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