I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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