Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
