so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just forgot I was standing up.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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