I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
