Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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