dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
