A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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