he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
