We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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