we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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