i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
