now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
