i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
