I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
