I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
