i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Im part way to drunk.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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