Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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