dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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