That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
