All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
