My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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