I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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