bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
