I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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