I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
