look no pants
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize