I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
