So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
