Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
