so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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