Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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