Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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