i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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