my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
