thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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