If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
