What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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