Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
