hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
