Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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