I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
