spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
