I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
