Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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