omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
