Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
