i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
