Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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