3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
