Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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