Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
