If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
