ya dads aren't the best wingmen
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
