is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We need a shit load of segways right now
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
