I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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