There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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