You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
