Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
