So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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