make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
a search helicopter?!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
