I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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