Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
