My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
