so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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