I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
