so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
