Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
