you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
