Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
