I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
