After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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