I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
the liver wants what the liver wants
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
