I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
