is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
