She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
