My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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