i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
