I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
