The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
