Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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