I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
