I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
