Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
either way he was missing a nipple.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
